“Home is made for coming from / for dreams of going to / which with any luck will never come true.” — “Wand’rin’ Star”, from the musical Paint Your Wagon
AFTER NINE YEARS ON THE ROAD I’ve decided, contrary to the popular RV bumper sticker, home is not where you park it. It’s not in a building or in a physical location either. It’s within us. As the original saying goes, home really is where our heart is. Or our mind. Or our soul. Or our dreams. Home is a feeling, not a place.
I rarely felt at home in the home sweet home of my childhood. I felt so different from my family. The benevolent and harmless folks I shared quarters with just didn’t feel like my people. It would have explained so much if it turned out I had been adopted. And it would have explained everything if I had been left by space aliens.
So, where was my true home?
For a couple of decades it was California. It really felt like the right place for me, both SoCal and the Bay Area. It felt natural. California must have been the planet of my origin.
Then things changed. Neither California nor myself were what they used to be. I needed to be………. somewhere else. Throw a dart.
I found a new job in North Carolina. Both the job and the location were a bad fit. It was definitely not home. But I stuck it out for 17 years because… I don’t know. A degree of predictability and security? Laziness? Self-hatred?
Inside I knew it was time—way past time—for a change. Not wanting to make another mistake, I did a lot of research. Best cities… best small towns… best foreign countries… best climate… best cost of living… best safety…
I learned I couldn’t afford the appealing places. And the places I could afford would be exchanging one wrong place for another.
What instead?
Well, what if I just wandered around, like Travels with Charley and Blue Highways? Another discontented man on the loose.
Shortly after that thought I discovered Bob Wells, and since you’re reading this site, you know the rest of the story.
This life is my home. The best one I ever had. I am at peace. I’m at home in my skin. My heart, mind and soul are in harmony. I am in my natural habitat. May you also find your true home.
Beautifully expressed. Inviting photos. Thank you Al.
Thank you so much, Al for this article. I think I may be a bit like you, but I’m 40+ years married and my dear husband IS home. So I make do with camping trips for a week or two at a time. I long to just go and explore, but I miss him too much after too much time has passed. How can that be? I think I need to be more aggressive in my travels and keep doing them so I can see much more before it’s my time to depart. Thanks for spurring this thought in me.
My wife of 56 years departed the earth for the big campground in the sky.
My plan for my brand new future is to exclusively focus on the new, good, happy unknown experiences that are always in me, with me, around me and before me in every direction I go. I launch 9/26/22.
Catherine, I understand your thoughts and feelings. I was married to my “best friend” for 36 years before he passed away. We used to camp frequently until his various problems made it difficult for him to even get in or out of a car. With part of his life insurance I bought a used Roadtrek 170 Popular class B van so I could keep going (I now travel and camp alone). On July 9 (yesterday) I “celebrated” what would have been our 45th anniversary. I wish your hubby would go places with you, to keep making fun memories together. I sometimes cry as I travel around, remembering that we were “there” together and he never will be again; or because I just discovered something new that I can never share with him…
This is beautifully said.
Well described, in a way every-body can understand. And when we do understand, each of us has the tools to be Home too! Any of the photo sites would complete a happy home for me. Best
This post rings true with me, also. My parents were put down roots stay put people. From a young age, about 16, when I purchased my first car, I longed to travel. It was as though I was looking for a place I could call home. Turns out many of the places could be home because it was with me the whole time. Now at the age of 70, My spouse and I have landed in rural Pennsylvania ( the red part) and are very satisfied with our choice. We walk, ride bikes, and sit on the porch of our smallish abode. The current gas prices and living on a fixed income curtails much of traveling for now. We are quit content at home, in our home.
Lancaster County?
I was adopted, and always knew it my mom said I had roaches in my shoes, must have been an FLA saying, you think?
The meaning behind your mom’s words is a precious treasure.
My sentiments exactly. For many miserable years I did what was expected. One day it dawned on me that my time had come and I owed nothing to nobody and became a rambler. I have never been happier.
Two thumbs up !
Perfect!
Wonderful! This is so me!
I miss my van. But, when I was a solo snowbird all winter I missed my husband more. Apparently, he is my home. I still wish I’d kept my van for occasional trips, though. I would love to continue going to Bob’s get togethers at least once a year. Bringing my daughter in her semi-cab to meet you all at Dome Rock where she decided she wanted a van just like yours, Al, is a memory I cherish. And a Thanksgiving potluck. And the RTR before it got huge. But, you can’t step in the same river twice so I know it would not be the same even if I could still go. But, I still miss it.
Excellent piece
My brother had accident. He is in Phoenix Hospital. What is a good place for my dad to van life near downtown Phoenix. All other options are too expensive. He has a van he can drive down from New York. Please help.
The temperature in Phoenix these days is in the hundreds, with nighttime “lows” in the 90s. Not a good time to be staying in a vehicle.
The closest place that is cooler I believe would be in the forest above Payson or up Mogollum Rim between Sedona and Flagstaff Either way its a 2+ hour drive one way – in the woods above 4ooo feet – I suspect someone out there knows better than I. I live in Sedona for a couple years and when I needed to get out of the 1oo + heat I went p on the rim – there is dispersed camping there as well – Lots of National Forest
I have come to the conclusion that home is not the roof over your head (whatever that roof happens to belong to)- that is just shelter. Home is the life you lead. Thomas à Kempis once said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I would say- wherever you go, you are home. Your real home is the life you lead because that is where you actually reside. It is how, not where, you live that is home. Whether or not that home is happy depends on if the life you are leading allows you to genuinely meet your needs.
Sadly, there are so many people who aren’t at home with themselves.
That is so true and I don’t think this is an accident. Our consumer culture/economy sows this discontent. As Wendell Berry said, “And so we can say that the industrial economy’s most-marketed commodity is satisfaction, and that this commodity, which is repeatedly promised, bought, and paid for, is never delivered. On the other hand, people who have much satisfaction do not need many commodities.”
Some really good thoughts in this one. But I wonder if being a nomad doesn’t give a feeling of being a perpetual outsider?
Whether that’s a good or bad thing depends on your personality and values.
Just to clarify/tie it all together 🙂
In my view, the life we lead is our home. So we are always at home with ourselves- for better or worse. To be happy (feel at home) in this home we must lead a life that allows us to genuinely address our needs. Unfortunately, the social and cultural systems that we must all operate within serve as an obstacle to cultivating a life that is conducive to authentically meeting our needs- particularly our psychological needs.
The reason I think it is important not to define home as a structure or a location is because this paints a very incomplete picture. While a change of scenery and/or downsizing to a smaller living space can be game changers in terms of meeting one’s needs, space and place by themselves do not constitute home. We must look at home in a more holistic way. To me, home is the way we live -it is how we give our time, care, and attention. I think this is what we must examine/change if we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable in our own skin.